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Underlying my observance of the Lenten season is the story of my sister Jayne who was diagnosed with breast cancer at age thirty-one. She was relentless in pursuing all available medical treatments, changed her diet significantly, organized laugh therapy sessions with friends and had psychological sessions. But as I was leaving for Ash Wednesday service at church, she called and asked if it was okay if she stopped trying. She was tired and wanted to let go. What could I do but cry and say “Yes.”  On Good Friday I got the call that she had died, somewhat unexpectedly as the doctor had given her a prognosis of more time. She had her own Lenten season.

It's been forty-six years since she died, and it still hurts. As I write this, I know I’m not alone. Many of you have losses like this that still cause deep heartache and still cause you to wonder why it had to happen or happen the way it did.

The season of Lent when we observe Jesus’s Walk to the Cross, is a time that also offers us space to hold our own sorrow and sadness and all the questions we hold about life’s struggles. It’s a difficult spiritual practice, but allowing our feelings also allows them to not only honor the person—and allows the feelings to be healed a little more.

Lent can be a time to imagine yourself at the foot of the cross, joining the ones who loved Jesus so deeply, including his mother. They, like you, were bereft with grief and full of confusion. Like the One who died on the cross, it is all because He loved and we love. The price of love.

If it feels kind and the right time for it, allow yourself to feel whatever sadness may be coming up for you. Get support if you need it, either professionally or from a good listening friend. And know that at the same time you are being held.  Jesus gives preference for those who have lost someone they love. As he said on the sermon on the Mount, “Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.”  May it be so for you in your Lenten season should sorrow come.

Pastor Marcia Wakeland is a retired ELCA pastor, a spiritual director and a listening advocate. She is interested in the actual experience of having faith and how that is lived out. She can be reached at mwakeland@gmail.com for comments or more questions Her ongoing blog of living out spiritual practices is listeninglife.live