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At the last meeting of the Listening Post staff, long time listeners were welcoming new members with stories of some wisdom they had learned while being a listener. One woman related this story: “There was a man I listened to who was saving slowly to buy a new coat he had seen at Walmart. He was very excited about the thought of this new coat. But I knew a clothes closet at a local church not far away had some really good coats to give away. It was already pretty cold outside, and I thought he needed that coat now. But then I was a nurse and my whole life was taking care of people and providing things even before they knew they needed them. But I knew the rules of the Listening Post. We were to listen only, not give advice or provide anything but listening. I thought it was a strange rule because I knew I could help. But a week later, that man came back to the Listening Post, to show us his new coat, proud that he had been able to do this all on his own. I learned then the value of that rule. If I had stepped in, he wouldn’t have had the chance to succeed at his goal and earn that self-confidence he really needed. Sometimes the best help is let the person figure it out for themselves and just listen.”

It is a good spiritual practice to help people when we can, of course. But first, it is important to see if the person wants that help. Sometimes our best intentions don’t take into account that many people don’t want our charity or advice. They want to be trusted to figure it out on their own and feel some healthy pride in accomplishing that. A good spiritual practice that applies to many aspects of life is to not make assumptions. We can be so sure we know what another person is thinking, wanting, or needs to do. And we are often wrong. We don’t really know. Not making assumptions honors the other’s ability to live their life as they see fit. In this, I’ve slowly learned, after many mistakes, to trust the other and to trust that God is with the other even when I think I know better. In that I grow in my trust of God

Pastor Marcia Wakeland is a retired ELCA pastor, a spiritual director and a listening advocate. She is interested in the actual experience of having faith and how that is lived out. She can be reached at mwakeland@gmail.com for comments or more questions Her ongoing blog of living out spiritual practices is listeninglife.live